After 76 hours on the train, 75 hours on the bus, 18 hours on a horse/donkey, 10 cities and numerous villages, and 3 cases of food poisoning we left China after a long 5 weeks. We thought since we have spent a fair amount of time here that it might be useful to compile a list of 5 helpful hints should any of you consider visiting this wondrous land:
1. If you can help it, do not visit China in high tourist season (i.e. June-August). Quite rightly Chinese tourists love visiting other cities in their country in the summer, but this means that getting a bus or train to your next destination is near impossible. When you do find your desired bus/train, do not be surprised that the buckets in the aisle are used for all bodily fluids. We recommend ear plugs and valium to get you through.
2. Learn some chinese for the love of god. Knowing “hello” “thank you” and counting is NOT ENOUGH! You will never reach your next destination, you will be chucked out of taxis left right and centre, and have to enjoy sheep’s penis for dinner.
3. Always take your own toilet roll everywhere. And be prepared to leave your dignity at home – there is always a friendly chinese face waiting to watch you piss given that there are no doors.
4. On the subject if toilets, do not eat hot pot the day before travelling to the next city, especially by bus. The bus stops around every three hours, whereas the hotpot requires a W.C. break approx. every 20-30 mins. In addition, with reference to point 3., there are no doors, and a “hotpot squat” is not advisable with an audience.
5. Perhaps 3 days on a horse sounds like fun. Think about making this two days. If this is not possible, definitely pack some padded clothing. If this is not possible, then DEFINITELY pack some plasters. And be prepared to put them in some weird places.
But China was fun really, just a little mental. It took us just mere 26 hours on the bumpiest bus ever to get to Luang Prabang in North Laos. Let’s face it, it’s a tourist trap, but it is heaven compared to Chinese summer and we greatly enjoyed the relaxed lifestyle and friendly locals. We went to cooking school and learnt to cook some tradition Laos meals and indulged in some Lao Lao, which is the local whiskey. We also went to see an awesome waterfall nearby and took pictures of the unsuspecting monks. Ah, we are such tourists.
