Si Phan Don (4000 Islands)

There may be 4000 islands in the dry season, but it seemed more like 10 large islands and groups of submerged trees in the rainy season. Si Phan Don was a great place to chill out for four days after the madness of Vang Vieng. We went to see the Irrawaddy Dolphins, one of the most endangered species of mammals. We also went fishing, where Abi proved her prowess with the rod, catching four fish to Heath’s zero. Admittedly they were the size of goldfish though! Our bungalow was amazing and had a resident monkey, which had a fondness for de-lousing the local kittens. We also took our bikes out and saw the biggest waterfall (for volume) in SE Asia. We didn’t really want to leave, but with no ATM on the islands, the decision was out of our hands!

Viva Vang Vieng

When in Laos, you of course have to go tubing in Vang Vieng. However, as we pulled into Vang Vieng we wondered what the hell was going on. It was mid afternoon and it was like a ghost town; there was hardly anyone about, apart from a few people passed out in the video bars (bars with cushions on the ground showing endless episodes of family guy and friends). As the afternoon progressed into evening, wounded people started appearing from the woodwork – a guy with a patch on his eye, a girl with a bandage on her leg, people hobbling all over the place. It was like a scene out of Dawn of the Dead but we decided to go tubing the next day anyhow. Have you ever wondered where all the drunk British people go when they are not in Ibiza? Well wonder no more, they are tubing in Vang Vieng! Clearly the oldest people there by about at least 5 years, we floated down the river collecting beers along the way. Abi, unfortunately uncoordinated, struggled to make it to the sides of the rivers as the current pulled her away from all the bars. Luckily there were 8 year old Laos boys there to rescue her with a rubber ring. We met up with a group of British/Irish guys and played mud volleyball, mud tug of war, as well as the essential slides and swings into the river. Doing all this when drunk, we soon found out why everyone was so injured in the town. Fortunately though we did not end up with Pink Eye which seemed to be the hallmark of Vang Vieng. We spent the whole next day in the video bars trying not to vomit (they all make sense now), and managed to pull our old selves together for the last day to go and explore a nearby cave. We had a kid attach to us and take us around for a few dollars, which was lucky for us because the cave was huge and a complete maze. We read in the lonely planet later that some travellers go in there by themselves and never come out…

Bye bye China, hello Laos

After 76 hours on the train, 75 hours on the bus, 18 hours on a horse/donkey, 10 cities and numerous villages, and 3 cases of food poisoning we left China after a long 5 weeks. We thought since we have spent a fair amount of time here that it might be useful to compile a list of 5 helpful hints should any of you consider visiting this wondrous land:
1. If you can help it, do not visit China in high tourist season (i.e. June-August). Quite rightly Chinese tourists love visiting other cities in their country in the summer, but this means that getting a bus or train to your next destination is near impossible. When you do find your desired bus/train, do not be surprised that the buckets in the aisle are used for all bodily fluids. We recommend ear plugs and valium to get you through.
2. Learn some chinese for the love of god. Knowing “hello” “thank you” and counting is NOT ENOUGH! You will never reach your next destination, you will be chucked out of taxis left right and centre, and have to enjoy sheep’s penis for dinner.
3. Always take your own toilet roll everywhere. And be prepared to leave your dignity at home – there is always a friendly chinese face waiting to watch you piss given that there are no doors.
4. On the subject if toilets, do not eat hot pot the day before travelling to the next city, especially by bus. The bus stops around every three hours, whereas the hotpot requires a W.C. break approx. every 20-30 mins. In addition, with reference to point 3., there are no doors, and a “hotpot squat” is not advisable with an audience.
5. Perhaps 3 days on a horse sounds like fun. Think about making this two days. If this is not possible, definitely pack some padded clothing. If this is not possible, then DEFINITELY pack some plasters. And be prepared to put them in some weird places.
But China was fun really, just a little mental. It took us just mere 26 hours on the bumpiest bus ever to get to Luang Prabang in North Laos. Let’s face it, it’s a tourist trap, but it is heaven compared to Chinese summer and we greatly enjoyed the relaxed lifestyle and friendly locals. We went to cooking school and learnt to cook some tradition Laos meals and indulged in some Lao Lao, which is the local whiskey. We also went to see an awesome waterfall nearby and took pictures of the unsuspecting monks. Ah, we are such tourists.

Chengdu and Songpan

Chengdu, home of the panda and hotpot, but not much else. We did both, but the hotpot was decidedly more painful. After burning our digestive systems, we hit the road to Songpan to go on a three day pony trek. However, this was not quite the fairy tale pony riding we had in mind. Abi’s horse was the most competitive creature of all time. Instead of following the guide like everyone else, he decided that he wanted to win the race at all costs and would carve up the path galloping at a million miles an hour in front of everyone else. This meant barging off other horses on precarious mountain paths about 3inches wide and charging over rivers and up hills that were no where near our destination. About 50 times the guide had to come and rescue her as the horse was running her off to a near certain death.

Meanwhile Heath had the only donkey of the group. He was a right miserable bastard (the horse that is), and tried to buck Heath off his back about 5 times within the first hour. As a consequence the donkey was dragged up the mountain by a rope connected to one of the guides, rather than having free will like the rest of the horses. This didn't stop old donkey face successfully bucking Heath off at least once, though fortunately on not too precarious a slope. However Heath wasn't too happy about his ride at the back of the group!

So eventually we got used to the personalities of our particular donkeys/horses, but then Heath got ill on the second day in addition to us both being mega sunburnt and with little skin left on our butts. The last day was a bit of a challenge to get through but finally we got home, no skin to speak of due to sunburn and horse chaffing, and Heath a quivering feverish wreck, but we were alive at least. To add insult to injury our bus home had no AC, was overpacked with stinking chinese men, and took 14 hours instead of the usual 11, bleurgh!

Xi'an

After a hideous 12 hour bus journey from hell, we arrived in the fourth biggest city in China, Xi’an. Like Pingyao, we again began by hiring bikes, but this time traversing the top of the cities 13.5km of walls aboard a luxury tandem bicycle. The rest of the day was spent in a bar with a Dutch man and various other travellers we picked up along the way.
After nursing some serious hangovers we went to see the Terracotta Warriors just outside of Xi’an. We were very surprised to find out that each warrior takes at least two months to reconstruct. In the final Pit there are over 2000 warriors which was an amazing sight to see. We are still not entirely of their purpose but they were cool nonetheless.
The rest of the time here was spent eating and drinking, a common theme to our trip, but very enjoyable if not particularly cultural. “Seen one temple, seen them all” we say.

Pingyao and Qikou

Pingyao is quite possibly the dustiest city in China. Everything is made from dirt and covered in dirt. We started our dirty weekend by hiring bicycles to ride around the city’s 6.5km of walls, before indulging in some 60p noodles and a £5 massage. The following morning we hired a taxi and drove to Zhangbi underground castle for a personalised tour (as we were the only English speakers) of its ancient caves and temples. After another day of relaxing in this quirky township we headed for the cave community of Qikou, some 200km southeast of Pinyao. The journey there was rather longer than usual, after a crash on the road ahead caused the road to shut down for five hours in the baking midday sun. Once we arrived we found a guesthouse, and resided in a comfortable cave room for the next few nights. We spent the next few days checking out many of the local cave communities and enjoying the picturesque setting high above the yellow river.